Revising a Manuscript: The Developmental Phase | Post 14

How developing a manuscript compares to the experience of postpartum

Sorry, I’m late. Worse than that, I have nothing for Substack this month. I have less than four weeks left to complete the revision of my book baby, Bloodbird, and I’m not going to lie, it’s DEFCON 1 over here. Poor choice of words, I suppose, considering the clusterfuck Israemerica has forced upon us. But I digress.

A debut author’s first book must be the same as a human newborn. Because I am a mom and this is my first book. And this period of my life feels like déjà vu. This is what’s been happening to me (again):

• spontaneous wailing followed by unprovoked bouts of hysterical laughter

• second-guessing myself and consulting the internet and books consistently throughout the day

• not being able to recall when the last time was that I took a shower

• not knowing what the date is

• sleeplessness

• general brain fog

• forgetting birthdays

• postponing coffee dates

• crippling guilt when taking breaks or doing something fun

• day drinking

• shedding a lot of hair (clogging up the drainpipe type)

• clean laundry to be packed away piling up

• overwhelming sense of dread that I’m not good enough to do this

• clinging onto the fact that while this period is hard the rewards will come later

• and when I look at it sometimes I think how it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever made

Diogenes (1882) by John William Waterhouse

And that’s really all I have to say.

Luckily, I’m not alone. The potted snake plant on my desk is flowering. Apparently this signifies rare, positive energy, the fulfilment of hard work, or a coming season of fortune. I feel so seen. This plant knows.

And now you do too.

Bye for now.

E